By Doug McAllister
Now that the 2010 U.S. Open is on the books, let's, as my friend Rooster Cogburn would say, "Let the rat killing begin!"
As it pertains to golf, now is the time everyone — whether informed or not — starts to dissect what happened. It wasn't enough to witness the event on television or in person or through informed new stories. Now we have to endure writers from every station taking the thing apart from every possible angle and, then, telling us what really happened!
For example, a rather well-known golf blogger has begun a crusade against commentator Johnny Miller regarding his astute observations during the event. I won't dignify the blog with a repetition of allegations here. Suffice it to say that Miller said absolutely nothing about which to write negatively. End of statement!
And then there is the inevitable evaluation about Tiger's supposed breakdown. Why is it so difficult to simply look at Tiger as just another golfer and recognize that he might have an off day or be subject to nerves just like any other golfer — whether professional or not?
Phil's performance will be scrutinized ad nauseam, as will Ernie's.
And very few will give Graeme McDowell the credit he deserves.
Just like the galleries running to the next hole at last week's U.S Open, golf writers will also frantically race to the next venue: The Open Championship at St. Andrews. The speculation will begin about whether Tiger can tear that great course apart — just like he supposedly did the last time he won an Open there.
Kinda makes you sick doesn't it?
Once again, and this is a hobby horse that I will continue to frantically ride, golf is far larger and grander than any one golfer and whether Tiger does this or that or something else is entirely immaterial to the game. Yep. I said it. The game is light years beyond the outcome of the latest tournament or the current performance of today's "greatest golfer." The game is the frantic struggle of the teen who, just taking up the game, is dealing with the demons of the golf that she is freshly discovering. The game is the sixty year old, struggling with arthritic hands, wondering whether larger grips might help or Aleve (as propounded by several touring professionals) or whether the beloved game is slipping from those aching hands for good. The game is the solitary golfer who, just wanting some prime solitude, slips onto the Country Club at dusk, knowing that two, maybe three holes will be all that he will get and knowing that that's enough for today.
In other words, golf, in its purity, was never about the public spectacle. Sadly, that just the grubby, commercialized face that we have been conditioned to see. It has always been about the personal battle of every individual golfer on the globe to shave just one more stroke from the card.
So whether Tiger imploded or Phil fell apart or Ernie bounced back and forth like a...you get the picture! Because none of these outcomes or how they happened will affect your personal golf battle in the least.
Remember that! And continue teeing them up and working overtime to hit them — hopefully long and straight!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
CHEERS TO THE CHAMPION, GRAEME MCDOWELL!
By Doug McAllister
In a finish befitting a true U.S. Open, Graeme McDowell of Northern Ireland held on to win the 110th U.S. Open! Pretty stunning, really. Tiger was hard charging at the end of yesterday's play. Ernie and Phil were within striking distance. And, of course, Dustin Johnson entered the final round with a three shot lead.
But, as should be the case when so much is on the line, the putts didn't fall today as they had yesterday—for anyone! And that was especially true for leader, Dustin Johnson. Nicknamed "Flat Liner" because of his being seemingly impervious to the pressures of a major championship, Johnson quickly flat lined, literally, as far as hopes of winning his first major within the first few holes. Shot after bad shot and Johnson was dead! I suspect, had his caddy tried to find it, Johnson's pulse was gone before six holes had been played.
Not much better for Tiger. Bogeying the first hole was all it took. The spring left his step and the light left his eyes and, as is so often the case when things don't immediately go his way, Tiger threw in the towel, for all intents and purposes by the end of the front nine.
But then Pebble Beach wasn't the same friendly course it had been just 24 hours before. The lack of sunshine seemed to ominously set the stage for the day. It was as if Pebble were saying, "We'll see who's boss" to everyone who teed off. And everyone seemed to feel it.
Even McDowell seemed resigned to simply hold on, not make too many mistakes and, hopefully, come out at the top of the pack in the end.
But isn't that what a U.S. Open—and winning one—is all about. I had to laugh at all of the whining that went on all week about the course conditions and how they were so unfair. Hilarious! After all, isn't the course the same for all comers? So what is all this talk about whether Pebble Beach—especially hole 14—was unfair this week? Commentators chatted brainlessly about whether things need to be changed before the 2019 U.S. Open returns.
The only rational comment—at least among those that were aired on T.V.—came from the champion, Graeme McDowell. In his victory speech, McDowell was gracious and quick to note that the course was fair for all, rewarding good shots and punishing bad ones. In a nutshell, he summed up what I believe golf is all about. The whiners, after all, were those punished by bad shots and whined because they knew that their chances of winning were small at best. Ian Poulter crybabied above the rest. And to what end? What good did it do him? Perhaps he was able, by blaming Pebble Beach, to save a measure of face. Verily he had his reward. Besides, had the course been made simpler it would have been so for everyone and, given the state this week of Poulter's game, it wouldn't have made any difference anyway!
But the big winner was obviously McDowell, not only from the standpoint of toting away the big prize, but also because he, as a fellow Brit—Rudyard Kipling—once put it, "[kept his] head when all about [him] were losing theirs" and blaming Pebble Beach. Cheers to the champion!
Long and straight As usual, long and straight!
In a finish befitting a true U.S. Open, Graeme McDowell of Northern Ireland held on to win the 110th U.S. Open! Pretty stunning, really. Tiger was hard charging at the end of yesterday's play. Ernie and Phil were within striking distance. And, of course, Dustin Johnson entered the final round with a three shot lead.
But, as should be the case when so much is on the line, the putts didn't fall today as they had yesterday—for anyone! And that was especially true for leader, Dustin Johnson. Nicknamed "Flat Liner" because of his being seemingly impervious to the pressures of a major championship, Johnson quickly flat lined, literally, as far as hopes of winning his first major within the first few holes. Shot after bad shot and Johnson was dead! I suspect, had his caddy tried to find it, Johnson's pulse was gone before six holes had been played.
Not much better for Tiger. Bogeying the first hole was all it took. The spring left his step and the light left his eyes and, as is so often the case when things don't immediately go his way, Tiger threw in the towel, for all intents and purposes by the end of the front nine.
But then Pebble Beach wasn't the same friendly course it had been just 24 hours before. The lack of sunshine seemed to ominously set the stage for the day. It was as if Pebble were saying, "We'll see who's boss" to everyone who teed off. And everyone seemed to feel it.
Even McDowell seemed resigned to simply hold on, not make too many mistakes and, hopefully, come out at the top of the pack in the end.
But isn't that what a U.S. Open—and winning one—is all about. I had to laugh at all of the whining that went on all week about the course conditions and how they were so unfair. Hilarious! After all, isn't the course the same for all comers? So what is all this talk about whether Pebble Beach—especially hole 14—was unfair this week? Commentators chatted brainlessly about whether things need to be changed before the 2019 U.S. Open returns.
The only rational comment—at least among those that were aired on T.V.—came from the champion, Graeme McDowell. In his victory speech, McDowell was gracious and quick to note that the course was fair for all, rewarding good shots and punishing bad ones. In a nutshell, he summed up what I believe golf is all about. The whiners, after all, were those punished by bad shots and whined because they knew that their chances of winning were small at best. Ian Poulter crybabied above the rest. And to what end? What good did it do him? Perhaps he was able, by blaming Pebble Beach, to save a measure of face. Verily he had his reward. Besides, had the course been made simpler it would have been so for everyone and, given the state this week of Poulter's game, it wouldn't have made any difference anyway!
But the big winner was obviously McDowell, not only from the standpoint of toting away the big prize, but also because he, as a fellow Brit—Rudyard Kipling—once put it, "[kept his] head when all about [him] were losing theirs" and blaming Pebble Beach. Cheers to the champion!
Long and straight As usual, long and straight!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
AS PROMISED, A LIMERICK FOR THE U.S. OPEN DAY 3
By Doug McAllister
So the Open Day 3's in the books
And it's time to take note and take looks,
Of what happened today
During tournament play
Over Peb Beach's crannies and nooks.
Let's first look at Par 5, 14
The hole was a difficult scene!
Players claimed they were robbed.
They cried and they sobbed!
When errant shots rolled from the green.
Number 7 didn't play very well.
Poulter moaned the pin placement was hell!
But Johnson's sweet shot,
Was right on the spot,
And a birdie resulted...Do tell!
Poor Phil stumbled around the fair track.
Made some very poor shots, like a hack!
But he ended, it's true,
Near the top of the queue,
Hope tomorrow will see his game back!
And Ernie is still in the fight.
Don't count him out, after tonight,
He may still make the shots,
That he needs in tough spots.
Win his number 3 Open Delight!
It looked like the Tiger of old!
His 66 moved him, quite bold,
Back into the fray,
Everything went his way,
People claiming he'd won the thing, cold!
But Dustin had something to say.
Matched Tiger by end of the day.
His "Stupid Long" game,
And "Flatliner" nickname,
Kept him 5 strokes up, end-of-play!
So tomorrow, we'll see who comes through.
My prediction? Well, it's nothing new.
Tiger won't keep the pace;
He'll come close in the race.
Dustin Johnson will win, it is true!
So there it is, my Golf Open rhyme.
So until my next blog writing crime,
Hit 'em long, hit 'em straight!
Golf's legacy's great!
Regardless of who wins this time!
So the Open Day 3's in the books
And it's time to take note and take looks,
Of what happened today
During tournament play
Over Peb Beach's crannies and nooks.
Let's first look at Par 5, 14
The hole was a difficult scene!
Players claimed they were robbed.
They cried and they sobbed!
When errant shots rolled from the green.
Number 7 didn't play very well.
Poulter moaned the pin placement was hell!
But Johnson's sweet shot,
Was right on the spot,
And a birdie resulted...Do tell!
Poor Phil stumbled around the fair track.
Made some very poor shots, like a hack!
But he ended, it's true,
Near the top of the queue,
Hope tomorrow will see his game back!
And Ernie is still in the fight.
Don't count him out, after tonight,
He may still make the shots,
That he needs in tough spots.
Win his number 3 Open Delight!
It looked like the Tiger of old!
His 66 moved him, quite bold,
Back into the fray,
Everything went his way,
People claiming he'd won the thing, cold!
But Dustin had something to say.
Matched Tiger by end of the day.
His "Stupid Long" game,
And "Flatliner" nickname,
Kept him 5 strokes up, end-of-play!
So tomorrow, we'll see who comes through.
My prediction? Well, it's nothing new.
Tiger won't keep the pace;
He'll come close in the race.
Dustin Johnson will win, it is true!
So there it is, my Golf Open rhyme.
So until my next blog writing crime,
Hit 'em long, hit 'em straight!
Golf's legacy's great!
Regardless of who wins this time!
LET'S ALL TAKE A DEEP BREATH, MR. HICKS, AND GET A GRIP!
By Doug McAllister
While waiting to watch today's U.S. Open broadcast, I happened to tune in to the Golf Channel and listened in to some predictable, though sickeningly old rhetoric about the game. And what else was the inane jabber about? Who else? Tiger! The commentators were claiming, among other things, that the rest of the professional golfers in the world are a bunch of scared, impotent losers who can't look Tiger in the eye without wetting their pants! Some were so bold as to claim that Tiger is golf's savior, an inimitable star who has turned golf into what it is today. One commentator, Dan Hicks, even went so far as to claim that no golfer in the history of the game has been the champion that Tiger has been. Hicks said that he would love to debate anyone about this claim.
Well, Dan, here I am! Let's boogie!
First of all, despite Tiger's formidable accomplishments, there is only one name to consider when looking for the "Greatest of All." Bobby Jones. As the immortal O.B. "Pop" Keeler correctly noted, there would never be another like Robert Tyre Jones, Jr. And despite what others have done, when considering things in sharp perspective, none has come remotely closes to Jones' accomplishments! So let's get started.
MAJOR PERFORMANCE
Everyone is going nuts about Tiger's 14 majors, just 4 shy of catching Jack's record of 18. But, when looking at percentages we can see a different picture. In a short period of 7 years—from 1923 to 1930, Bobby Jones played 21 major championships. Of that number, Jones won a whopping 13 of them! He won 62% of all of the majors that he ever played! By comparison, as of today Tiger has played in 55 majors and won 14—for a 25% winning number! Not even close to Jones' record.
THE GRAND SLAM
First off, I don't give a tinker's damn for the so-called Tiger Slam. While holding all four major trophies simultaneously was quite a feat, it was not—as Tiger continues to wrongly maintain—a Grand Slam. There are a few things that need to be remembered about the true Bobby Jones' Grand Slam when comparing things to Tiger. First, it was a bona fide Grand Slam. By definition, the Grand Slam is winning all of the major events in the same calendar year. Period! I thought it was pretty telling when Sam Snead was asked about Tiger's accomplishment and whether Snead thought it was a "true" Grand Slam. Snead looked at the reporter with a look on his face, as if to ask, "Are you kidding?" and said, "The Grand Slam is all four majors in a calendar year. As far as my count goes, Tiger didn't do that."
Add to that the fact that Tiger had over six months to rest up and think about things between the 2000 PGA Championship and the 2001 Masters. Some might argue about what that has to do with anything. Tons! The Grand Slam is all about pressure. Pure unadulterated pressure—both physically and mentally! And when Jones completed his Grand Slam he did it over a period of weeks. The process, literally, nearly killed him. So don't come to me with the argument that a six-month rest between majors isn't an issue.
PURE CLASS
Interestingly, Jones gave up the game because his priority was always his family. He viewed the game as a game and recognized that his most important roles were as husband and father. Don't even get me started about Tiger by comparison. Tiger gave lip service to "taking a break from the game" in order to "save" his family. If he were half the man, half the golfer, that Jones was, Tiger wouldn't even be a spectator this week at Pebble Beach. Tigers break and his comparatively swift return to the game was more about marketing than morals.
------------------
I could go on and on. The record speaks far too well, far too loudly in support of Bobby Jones as the greatest the game has ever seen. Regardless of what Tiger does in the future, nothing is going to change things.
And I have to laugh at Earl Woods' foolishness when talking about his son's possible impact on the world—not just golf, on the world! Earl was not only stupid but consummately foolish when he had the audacity to claim that his son would, somehow, have a greater impact on the world than Gandhi. Was he channeling John Lennon? Totally ludicrous! Absolutely laughable! Perhaps if Earl had expanded his study of world history—if he could read at all!—he might have been wiser and kept his big mouth shut!
HELAS! (Hit 'em long and straight!)
While waiting to watch today's U.S. Open broadcast, I happened to tune in to the Golf Channel and listened in to some predictable, though sickeningly old rhetoric about the game. And what else was the inane jabber about? Who else? Tiger! The commentators were claiming, among other things, that the rest of the professional golfers in the world are a bunch of scared, impotent losers who can't look Tiger in the eye without wetting their pants! Some were so bold as to claim that Tiger is golf's savior, an inimitable star who has turned golf into what it is today. One commentator, Dan Hicks, even went so far as to claim that no golfer in the history of the game has been the champion that Tiger has been. Hicks said that he would love to debate anyone about this claim.
Well, Dan, here I am! Let's boogie!
First of all, despite Tiger's formidable accomplishments, there is only one name to consider when looking for the "Greatest of All." Bobby Jones. As the immortal O.B. "Pop" Keeler correctly noted, there would never be another like Robert Tyre Jones, Jr. And despite what others have done, when considering things in sharp perspective, none has come remotely closes to Jones' accomplishments! So let's get started.
MAJOR PERFORMANCE
Everyone is going nuts about Tiger's 14 majors, just 4 shy of catching Jack's record of 18. But, when looking at percentages we can see a different picture. In a short period of 7 years—from 1923 to 1930, Bobby Jones played 21 major championships. Of that number, Jones won a whopping 13 of them! He won 62% of all of the majors that he ever played! By comparison, as of today Tiger has played in 55 majors and won 14—for a 25% winning number! Not even close to Jones' record.
THE GRAND SLAM
First off, I don't give a tinker's damn for the so-called Tiger Slam. While holding all four major trophies simultaneously was quite a feat, it was not—as Tiger continues to wrongly maintain—a Grand Slam. There are a few things that need to be remembered about the true Bobby Jones' Grand Slam when comparing things to Tiger. First, it was a bona fide Grand Slam. By definition, the Grand Slam is winning all of the major events in the same calendar year. Period! I thought it was pretty telling when Sam Snead was asked about Tiger's accomplishment and whether Snead thought it was a "true" Grand Slam. Snead looked at the reporter with a look on his face, as if to ask, "Are you kidding?" and said, "The Grand Slam is all four majors in a calendar year. As far as my count goes, Tiger didn't do that."
Add to that the fact that Tiger had over six months to rest up and think about things between the 2000 PGA Championship and the 2001 Masters. Some might argue about what that has to do with anything. Tons! The Grand Slam is all about pressure. Pure unadulterated pressure—both physically and mentally! And when Jones completed his Grand Slam he did it over a period of weeks. The process, literally, nearly killed him. So don't come to me with the argument that a six-month rest between majors isn't an issue.
PURE CLASS
Interestingly, Jones gave up the game because his priority was always his family. He viewed the game as a game and recognized that his most important roles were as husband and father. Don't even get me started about Tiger by comparison. Tiger gave lip service to "taking a break from the game" in order to "save" his family. If he were half the man, half the golfer, that Jones was, Tiger wouldn't even be a spectator this week at Pebble Beach. Tigers break and his comparatively swift return to the game was more about marketing than morals.
------------------
I could go on and on. The record speaks far too well, far too loudly in support of Bobby Jones as the greatest the game has ever seen. Regardless of what Tiger does in the future, nothing is going to change things.
And I have to laugh at Earl Woods' foolishness when talking about his son's possible impact on the world—not just golf, on the world! Earl was not only stupid but consummately foolish when he had the audacity to claim that his son would, somehow, have a greater impact on the world than Gandhi. Was he channeling John Lennon? Totally ludicrous! Absolutely laughable! Perhaps if Earl had expanded his study of world history—if he could read at all!—he might have been wiser and kept his big mouth shut!
HELAS! (Hit 'em long and straight!)
Friday, June 18, 2010
...AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES: DAY 2 AT PEBBLE BEACH
By Doug McAllister
The tale of the top two. Tiger and Phil. Both slopped it up about as badly as could have been done, yesterday at the 2010 U.S. Open. Not a birdie between the two of them +3 and +4 respectively. Botched chances on a beautiful golf day.
Enter the dynamic duo, Day 2. What would be the tally 24 hours later?
Not long in finding out. Tiger finally chipped in to achieve his first birdie of the tourney. But then it was a roller coaster rid—up and down—birdie after bogey after birdie. The result? An improved round of only one over for a +4 total.
Phortunately Phil wouldn't phollow! Phil's phront nine phlew by with birdie after birdie. Phlawless! Except phor an unphortunate phlop at nine. Still, a round of 31. Phil's phinest in any of his U.S. Open nines! And he was quick in getting back his lost stroke, taking him back to Phive under...a score that he maintained to the phinish! I Phil phor real? Count on it. He's talked of philling out a career slam and a win at this year's U.S. Open would would be a phine step in the right direction!
Of course there are others who might have something to say about that. Graeme McDowell and Ernie Els played wonderfully today as well.
So it's on to the weekend. Enough of this nonsense. But, hey, aren't you surprised that I actually wrote two days in a row. Tune in tomorrow. I might even wax poetical with a U.S. Open limerick. Now, that's not something you encounter everyday. Certainly not something to be missed!
And don't forget, as always to bash them lengthily and accurately!
The tale of the top two. Tiger and Phil. Both slopped it up about as badly as could have been done, yesterday at the 2010 U.S. Open. Not a birdie between the two of them +3 and +4 respectively. Botched chances on a beautiful golf day.
Enter the dynamic duo, Day 2. What would be the tally 24 hours later?
Not long in finding out. Tiger finally chipped in to achieve his first birdie of the tourney. But then it was a roller coaster rid—up and down—birdie after bogey after birdie. The result? An improved round of only one over for a +4 total.
Phortunately Phil wouldn't phollow! Phil's phront nine phlew by with birdie after birdie. Phlawless! Except phor an unphortunate phlop at nine. Still, a round of 31. Phil's phinest in any of his U.S. Open nines! And he was quick in getting back his lost stroke, taking him back to Phive under...a score that he maintained to the phinish! I Phil phor real? Count on it. He's talked of philling out a career slam and a win at this year's U.S. Open would would be a phine step in the right direction!
Of course there are others who might have something to say about that. Graeme McDowell and Ernie Els played wonderfully today as well.
So it's on to the weekend. Enough of this nonsense. But, hey, aren't you surprised that I actually wrote two days in a row. Tune in tomorrow. I might even wax poetical with a U.S. Open limerick. Now, that's not something you encounter everyday. Certainly not something to be missed!
And don't forget, as always to bash them lengthily and accurately!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DECADE MAKES: DAY 1 AT PEBBLE BEACH
By Doug McAllister
Okay...so it's only the end of day one of the 2010 U.S Open. But, still, one has to stop and consider what has changed in ten years for Tiger and the rest of the field at Pebble Beach.
If you are like me, the 2000 U.S. Open was a monumental disappointment. I remember, for the first time in years, being totally bored with one of Golf's greatest events. I actually went out in the middle of the third round and mowed my lawn—stepping back in periodically to see if things had "improved." It just wasn't any fun to watch the field scrap for second place. It was also uncanny to hear comments from all over the golfing world, wondering whether Pebble Beach had become just another easy golf course and whether its days of hosting majors were over.
This year seems different. Sure, we have Tiger-Gate in all of its sordid hues. We have a Tiger who is somewhat toothless, given the hand that he has been dealt—perhaps, more accurately, the hand that he has dealt himself—over the past seven months. But, more to the point, I think the USGA has learned a few important lessons since Tiger last came to play Pebble. The course seems to be set in perfect U.S. Open difficulty and, as a result, on a gorgeous day with nearly perfect golfing conditions, the leaders were only able to manage -2 on the storied track.
Okay...so -2 is pretty darn sweet for a course the likes of Pebble Beach. But the course seems bent on redeeming itself at this year's Open. Watching the play, things seemed more like old times. Pros struggling to save par. Pros struggling to save bogey! Really good stuff. And, yes, I think Golf was very well served by Tiger only managing a +3!
Moreover, the USGA is sufficiently confident in Pebble Beach to have already extended an invite for the 2019 U.S. Open. Cool Stuff!
How can you not love Pebble Beach? It's a venue for the ages and I say that with the closest I've ever come to actually playing the place being TA Sports Tiger Woods Golf 2005 for Game Cube! My best round there? -22!
Tune in tomorrow. I'll be reporting in on Round 2. I'll be reporting on...you guessed it...who was able to hit 'em long and straight!
Okay...so it's only the end of day one of the 2010 U.S Open. But, still, one has to stop and consider what has changed in ten years for Tiger and the rest of the field at Pebble Beach.
If you are like me, the 2000 U.S. Open was a monumental disappointment. I remember, for the first time in years, being totally bored with one of Golf's greatest events. I actually went out in the middle of the third round and mowed my lawn—stepping back in periodically to see if things had "improved." It just wasn't any fun to watch the field scrap for second place. It was also uncanny to hear comments from all over the golfing world, wondering whether Pebble Beach had become just another easy golf course and whether its days of hosting majors were over.
This year seems different. Sure, we have Tiger-Gate in all of its sordid hues. We have a Tiger who is somewhat toothless, given the hand that he has been dealt—perhaps, more accurately, the hand that he has dealt himself—over the past seven months. But, more to the point, I think the USGA has learned a few important lessons since Tiger last came to play Pebble. The course seems to be set in perfect U.S. Open difficulty and, as a result, on a gorgeous day with nearly perfect golfing conditions, the leaders were only able to manage -2 on the storied track.
Okay...so -2 is pretty darn sweet for a course the likes of Pebble Beach. But the course seems bent on redeeming itself at this year's Open. Watching the play, things seemed more like old times. Pros struggling to save par. Pros struggling to save bogey! Really good stuff. And, yes, I think Golf was very well served by Tiger only managing a +3!
Moreover, the USGA is sufficiently confident in Pebble Beach to have already extended an invite for the 2019 U.S. Open. Cool Stuff!
How can you not love Pebble Beach? It's a venue for the ages and I say that with the closest I've ever come to actually playing the place being TA Sports Tiger Woods Golf 2005 for Game Cube! My best round there? -22!
Tune in tomorrow. I'll be reporting in on Round 2. I'll be reporting on...you guessed it...who was able to hit 'em long and straight!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
UNDER THE LIGHTS AT FOX HOLLOW!
by Doug McAllister
But I'm back and what better way to swing back into things than a post about Fox Hollow's new lights on its driving range. Fox Hollow, for those of you who may not know, is the new name of the old Tri-City Golf Course. Brand new, luxury clubhouse. Really cool new logo. Kinda makes one want to actual buy and wear golf hats from the course. But I digress.
The latest innovation is the addition of lights to the driving range! Really cool. Not the first time I have used such a facility. When I lived in Kansas I used to go to the driving range a bunch at night. Method in that madness, though. The Kansas spring and summer days tended to be hot and humid so hitting under the lights made particular sense from a comfort standpoint. But I digress again!
Fox Hollow has always had a very fine practice facility. Top notch. No AstroTurf covered cement pads with stupid rubber tees—such as other "premier facilities" like Thanksgiving Point have. A fine grass driving range. And now the place is open until 10:00 p.m.! There's something eerily magical about hitting a golf ball at night. Maybe it's just the visibility of the lighted ball against the dark backdrop of the night sky. I certainly recommend it. Fox Hollow is located at 1400 North 200 East in American Fork.
Now for the downside—at least regarding tonight's practice session.
As the lights came on I noticed the floppy flight of a bat making its way towards the lights. Lights, as you know, tend to attract all sorts of vile creatures. They even attract insects! But, for the sake of this post, let's stick to the vile creatures drawn by the lights. Don't know why but tonight the range seemed particularly infested with loudmouthed losers who seemed to believe that they were the only ones on the range. As I entered the range I noticed a bald headed Bermuda-shorted gent who was going through all the motions—wild stretches and practice swings without clubs—the sort of things that many a golf guru claims are good for developing and keeping a consistent swing. Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the follicle-ly challenged. Neither am I a Bermuda shorts bigot. And, while I am not a proponent of the weird gymnastics that many golfing teachers prescribe, I do not deny others such stupidity! Er...whatever it is!
No. My case against...well..let's call him Baldy Bermuda. Yes. My case against Baldy Bermuda arose when a friend of his showed up to join the practice session. It seems that B-B was anxiously anticipating the arrival of his partner. So much so that when his friend was still a good hundred yards off B-B began shouting at the top of his lungs. "There he is! 'Bout time! What, no clubs?" Baldy howled. "Well, you can use everything but my driver!" Apparently B-B thought that was a good one as he began to guffaw wildly at the supposed quality of the joke.
Fine. Say hello to a friend arriving at the range. Fine! Surely golf etiquette would ultimately rule the day and the two would settle into an appropriately quiet practice session. Not hardly! Baldy began a loud dialog—seemingly wanting all at the range to tune in—about how he could absolutely hit his driver 'at least 350 yards.' "Just watch. I'm careful not to tee it up too high. You want to catch it on the upswing. These new drivers, you know, lower centers of gravity. Not like the old ones. Okay, watch this one." Silence for a millisecond as Baldy Bermuda carefully swooshed his driver back—way too fast from the sound of it. Off center popping sound and... "Holy moley! That was incredible! I lost that one a bit to the right but the ball flight was absolutely true. Did you notice that? Absolutely true! Okay, here's another one..." Another too fast swing followed by another uncomfortable pinging sound. This time it was his partner's turn, "Wow! Incredible! That had to be 320 yards!" "Probably," B-B interjected proudly, "That one was closer but I lost that one a bit left. But true flight! True flight!"
It went on like this for the better part of 30 minutes. B-B bellowing self appreciatively about his amazing golf ability and patting himself all over for his gifts as a teacher in working with his equally loud and obnoxious friend. And, try as I did, I could never quite figure out how a drive could be lost to the right and then to the left and still achieve "true flight."
I had to appropriately console myself that golf is a game of playing the ball as it lies and the course or driving range as you find it. Every once in a while I looked wistfully at the lights, hoping that one of the bats would prove to be big enough to come and carry away the vile creatures right next to me on the range!
The good news is that the lighted range offers extended hours for practice at a wonderful facility. Hopefully, your session will afford fellow golfers who know considerably more about the dying virtue of golf etiquette. Otherwise, I'd consider bringing some ear plugs!
So until next time—hit 'em long and straight!
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