Golf: A Seussical!

by Doug McAllister

With golf talk turning to this year's Masters, owing primarily to Tiger's return to the game, I thought a little golfing poetry would be in order. No groans please! Everyone has heard of cowboy poetry so why not a little golfer poetry? My apologies, as well, to Ted Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss. I am not sure whether the inimitable author and illustrator was a golfer. If he wasn't, he should have been. If he was, he might have written something like what follows here. Anyway, here goes:

It's time for the Masters,
Let's all give a cheer!
The first of the Majors,
The first of the year!

And Tiger is coming!
He'll be back in the pack!
All the sponsors are glowing!
All will welcome him back!

For golf without Tiger
Is surely a bust.
He just has to be there!
It's an absolute must!

But what if he wasn't?
What if no golfers came?
Would Augusta grow weeds?
Would it lose all its fame?

Would Tiger's not being there
Mean bogeys — disasters,
For the great game of golf
And, especially, the Masters?

Or is it that golf
Might be bigger than Phil?
And Ernie and Tiger?
Wouldn't that be a thrill?

A pursuit that persists
Despite who's on top,
Despite who's just birdied,
Despite who's a flop?

A game that is played
By the tall and the small.
By the girls and the boys,
By one and by all!

Well, that just what golf is!
No one owns it, you see.
It continues — it's here!
'Spite where Eldrick might be.

Let's remember that, please,
When we're tempted to cry
'Cause Tiger's not with us
Or his game's gone awry!

Yes, thank goodness that golf
Will be played on and on!
Long after Jack, Arnie
And Tiger are gone!


_______________

Again, my apologies to Dr. Seuss! And I should note that his poem is copyrighted and cannot be used in any form without permission of the author or before a sizable check is received from the broadcasters of the Masters — whichever comes first!

So, until my next posting,
Hit some long
And some straight
And some in between!
Yes, that would be great!