ALERT! BATH WATER GONE, BABY WITH IT!

By Doug McAllister

As bad as the weather was yesterday at the Open Championship, there is something far more nefarious eating at the the game of golf these days — especially its professional entity! In the golf movie Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius, O. B. "Pop" Keeler, played wonderfully by Malcolm McDowell, is purported to have said, "Money! It's going to ruin sports!"

Enter today's ABC broadcast of the Open Championship.

The regular TV version of coverage was supposed to begin at 11:00 a.m., EDT, and run for three hours. But there was a glitch. All of the groups were unable to complete the second round yesterday and had to complete play early this morning. This resulted in a delay of 3rd round play. No problem. Right. Wrong!

When it was starting time of the tape delayed Open network coverage to begin the 3rd round wasn't quite done. Again, no problem. Right? Wrong! ESPN flexed its steroid induced muscle. We won't allow ABC to broadcast until our live coverage is done. Why? Starting a tape delayed presentation would never catch up with a live broadcast and ruin the ending. Nor would it seduce away faithful ESPN watchers. Really bizarre materialism here.

The result? When I tuned in to watch Open coverage, I was "treated" instead to a musty program that should have been titled Alonzo Mourning! This is Your Life! After this "heart-warming" bit of nonsense was done I held my breath and hoped that, finally, the Open would commence. "BBBLLLAAAPPP!" Thanks for playing! Instead, I was "privileged" to watch Kobe Bryant's Self Appreciation Hour, followed by a documentary about how Haiti's under-seventeen girl's soccer team was bludgeoned to death by the U.S. shortly after the massive quake devastated the Haitian homeland!

But the very best was still to come. Once the event was finally up for broadcast, commentators quickly welcomed me to "The Open Championship Highlights Show. Death and taxes! A highlight show?! Of course! How could ABC think to dump the stellar programming, infomercials up the yin-yang, that were scheduled to follow the Open Championship broadcast? Still, I tuned in hoping to, at least catch a glimpse of St. Andrews.

What was there was marvelous, including a couple of "beauty" pieces about the Old Course, narrated by the inimitable Ian McShane.

The rest was absolutely criminal. Commercials ad nauseam! Seems that, while the program (without breaks) was to be abbreviated to a little less than 90 minutes, the full barrage of commercials scheduled for the 3 hour broadcast would air anyway. Ridiculous! Picture this the players on the course. Commentary by Paul Azinger and Mike Tirico and...Wham! Bang! We cut to one of those stupid Pacific Life ads — as if whales cared about life insurance anyway. Or we see players approaching the green to finish a hole and...Blam! Boom! We are finding out how IBM is making the earth a smarter planet!

I don't know about smarter. IBM is certainly more materialistic than ever!

But ESPN and ABC were the ones — the marketing criminals — who threw the baby out with the bath water on this one. Please! Pull your heads out and realize that there are times when such shenanigans may be forgivable. Certainly not during the most hallowed golf event of the year when it is being broadcast from the "Home of Golf!" It should be explained to potential sponsors that, should things go wrong, the golf will take precedence over their stupid ads — a risk that they will just have to accept! And risk is something that these pinheads should know all about!

Fortunately the game — as I have noted and will continue to note — is far bigger and significant than the dealing of today's idiot marketers — even though they think that golf is their personal oyster. Time to go back out and continue to try to...

Hit 'em long and straight!