By Doug McAllister
It's like the Energizer Bunny — it just keeps going and going and going and going...
What am I talking about? The melodramatic, almost soap opera-esque commentary on everything Tiger Woods does or doesn't do with his golf game these days. Getting tired of it? Amen! I am too.
Today on the Golf Channel web site it was the nonsensical delving into Tiger's putting woes at St. Andrews. "Is his confidence gone? Putter changes signal loss of confidence!" Really? I couldn't tell Tiger was lacking confidence and, assuredly, the putter is the culprit! Thanks, so much for making that one clear. Please! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Tiger has confidence problems these days. So why talk about it? Because if the USS Tiger sinks the whole game of golf sinks with him! Right?
Wrong!
Sorry to put on the broken record again, but — for the umpteenth time — TIGER WOODS IS NOT GOLF!! How many times does it have to be said? The game of golf is bigger than any one player and will continue to be long after Eldrick takes up the rocking chair.
So why not spend time singing the praises of newly-crowned Open Champion Louis Oosthuizen or of US Open Champion Graeme McDowell? They surely represent the next chapters of the game — especially in the case of the former. Quite simply, we don't care about the new South African sensation because he doesn't sell newspapers or, in this case, he doesn't attract blog readers. Instead, AS THE TIGER TURNS makes for much more interesting — or, perhaps, provocative — reading.
Humans love disasters far more than they love victories and — unfortunately for those of us who just want to continue to play the game — Tiger will continue to offer all of the melodrama necessary.
So, when you tee it up today, wipe those Tiger-induced tears from your eyes, and...
Hit 'em long and straight!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
ALERT! BATH WATER GONE, BABY WITH IT!
By Doug McAllister
As bad as the weather was yesterday at the Open Championship, there is something far more nefarious eating at the the game of golf these days — especially its professional entity! In the golf movie Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius, O. B. "Pop" Keeler, played wonderfully by Malcolm McDowell, is purported to have said, "Money! It's going to ruin sports!"
Enter today's ABC broadcast of the Open Championship.
The regular TV version of coverage was supposed to begin at 11:00 a.m., EDT, and run for three hours. But there was a glitch. All of the groups were unable to complete the second round yesterday and had to complete play early this morning. This resulted in a delay of 3rd round play. No problem. Right. Wrong!
When it was starting time of the tape delayed Open network coverage to begin the 3rd round wasn't quite done. Again, no problem. Right? Wrong! ESPN flexed its steroid induced muscle. We won't allow ABC to broadcast until our live coverage is done. Why? Starting a tape delayed presentation would never catch up with a live broadcast and ruin the ending. Nor would it seduce away faithful ESPN watchers. Really bizarre materialism here.
The result? When I tuned in to watch Open coverage, I was "treated" instead to a musty program that should have been titled Alonzo Mourning! This is Your Life! After this "heart-warming" bit of nonsense was done I held my breath and hoped that, finally, the Open would commence. "BBBLLLAAAPPP!" Thanks for playing! Instead, I was "privileged" to watch Kobe Bryant's Self Appreciation Hour, followed by a documentary about how Haiti's under-seventeen girl's soccer team was bludgeoned to death by the U.S. shortly after the massive quake devastated the Haitian homeland!
But the very best was still to come. Once the event was finally up for broadcast, commentators quickly welcomed me to "The Open Championship Highlights Show. Death and taxes! A highlight show?! Of course! How could ABC think to dump the stellar programming, infomercials up the yin-yang, that were scheduled to follow the Open Championship broadcast? Still, I tuned in hoping to, at least catch a glimpse of St. Andrews.
What was there was marvelous, including a couple of "beauty" pieces about the Old Course, narrated by the inimitable Ian McShane.
The rest was absolutely criminal. Commercials ad nauseam! Seems that, while the program (without breaks) was to be abbreviated to a little less than 90 minutes, the full barrage of commercials scheduled for the 3 hour broadcast would air anyway. Ridiculous! Picture this the players on the course. Commentary by Paul Azinger and Mike Tirico and...Wham! Bang! We cut to one of those stupid Pacific Life ads — as if whales cared about life insurance anyway. Or we see players approaching the green to finish a hole and...Blam! Boom! We are finding out how IBM is making the earth a smarter planet!
I don't know about smarter. IBM is certainly more materialistic than ever!
But ESPN and ABC were the ones — the marketing criminals — who threw the baby out with the bath water on this one. Please! Pull your heads out and realize that there are times when such shenanigans may be forgivable. Certainly not during the most hallowed golf event of the year when it is being broadcast from the "Home of Golf!" It should be explained to potential sponsors that, should things go wrong, the golf will take precedence over their stupid ads — a risk that they will just have to accept! And risk is something that these pinheads should know all about!
Fortunately the game — as I have noted and will continue to note — is far bigger and significant than the dealing of today's idiot marketers — even though they think that golf is their personal oyster. Time to go back out and continue to try to...
Hit 'em long and straight!
As bad as the weather was yesterday at the Open Championship, there is something far more nefarious eating at the the game of golf these days — especially its professional entity! In the golf movie Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius, O. B. "Pop" Keeler, played wonderfully by Malcolm McDowell, is purported to have said, "Money! It's going to ruin sports!"
Enter today's ABC broadcast of the Open Championship.
The regular TV version of coverage was supposed to begin at 11:00 a.m., EDT, and run for three hours. But there was a glitch. All of the groups were unable to complete the second round yesterday and had to complete play early this morning. This resulted in a delay of 3rd round play. No problem. Right. Wrong!
When it was starting time of the tape delayed Open network coverage to begin the 3rd round wasn't quite done. Again, no problem. Right? Wrong! ESPN flexed its steroid induced muscle. We won't allow ABC to broadcast until our live coverage is done. Why? Starting a tape delayed presentation would never catch up with a live broadcast and ruin the ending. Nor would it seduce away faithful ESPN watchers. Really bizarre materialism here.
The result? When I tuned in to watch Open coverage, I was "treated" instead to a musty program that should have been titled Alonzo Mourning! This is Your Life! After this "heart-warming" bit of nonsense was done I held my breath and hoped that, finally, the Open would commence. "BBBLLLAAAPPP!" Thanks for playing! Instead, I was "privileged" to watch Kobe Bryant's Self Appreciation Hour, followed by a documentary about how Haiti's under-seventeen girl's soccer team was bludgeoned to death by the U.S. shortly after the massive quake devastated the Haitian homeland!
But the very best was still to come. Once the event was finally up for broadcast, commentators quickly welcomed me to "The Open Championship Highlights Show. Death and taxes! A highlight show?! Of course! How could ABC think to dump the stellar programming, infomercials up the yin-yang, that were scheduled to follow the Open Championship broadcast? Still, I tuned in hoping to, at least catch a glimpse of St. Andrews.
What was there was marvelous, including a couple of "beauty" pieces about the Old Course, narrated by the inimitable Ian McShane.
The rest was absolutely criminal. Commercials ad nauseam! Seems that, while the program (without breaks) was to be abbreviated to a little less than 90 minutes, the full barrage of commercials scheduled for the 3 hour broadcast would air anyway. Ridiculous! Picture this the players on the course. Commentary by Paul Azinger and Mike Tirico and...Wham! Bang! We cut to one of those stupid Pacific Life ads — as if whales cared about life insurance anyway. Or we see players approaching the green to finish a hole and...Blam! Boom! We are finding out how IBM is making the earth a smarter planet!
I don't know about smarter. IBM is certainly more materialistic than ever!
But ESPN and ABC were the ones — the marketing criminals — who threw the baby out with the bath water on this one. Please! Pull your heads out and realize that there are times when such shenanigans may be forgivable. Certainly not during the most hallowed golf event of the year when it is being broadcast from the "Home of Golf!" It should be explained to potential sponsors that, should things go wrong, the golf will take precedence over their stupid ads — a risk that they will just have to accept! And risk is something that these pinheads should know all about!
Fortunately the game — as I have noted and will continue to note — is far bigger and significant than the dealing of today's idiot marketers — even though they think that golf is their personal oyster. Time to go back out and continue to try to...
Hit 'em long and straight!
Friday, July 16, 2010
ISN'T THAT WHAT THE BRITISH OPEN IS SUPPOSED TO BE?
By Doug McAllister
Perhaps the one major complaint that I have about professional golf today is the highly temperamental nature of the players. The slightest problems with conditions on the course and the complaining begins. This year's U.S. Open at Pebble Beach was awful — complaints ad nauseam that the greens were too fast or the pin placements were unreasonable.
Now, take the Open Championship at St. Andrews as a case in point. Suspension of play because of high winds?! What is that all about? There are supposed to be high winds? Why else did the Scots do so much to invent roll-up shots, for Pete's sake?! I was watching the play and my son asked what was going on. I said that play had been suspended because of high winds. His response was classic: "Isn't that what the British Open is supposed to be?" Absolutely right!
Interestingly, Tiger Woods had just begun play when the suspension was called. Interesting. NO! I am not saying that play was suspended because Tiger Woods — golf's preeminent prima donna — never does well in such classic Open conditions. I'm just saying that it's interesting.
Okay, I'm really mad about this. Mad as hell! This is the sort of thing that makes the Open Championship what it is. This is the very snap of good luck needed to show that St. Andrews is still a viable course in the Open rotation. The course has come under fire of late by many critics. It's too short. It's not challenging enough. Take it out of the rotation except for ceremonious events and such. And, now, when the Old Girl has a chance to beat the crap out of the world's best and reestablish herself as the challenging course that all should consider her to be — especially when there are intense weather conditions...PLAY SUSPENDED BECAUSE OF HIGH WINDS!
I say let 'em play. Sure, they'll squeal like pigs about conditions being unfair with Tiger being the lead singer and making up the entire soprano section. Let 'em squeal! Again, isn't that what the British Open is supposed to be?!
I'll be back on more from the Open Championship and, hopefully very soon, they'll be allowed to be out on the course very soon — wind and all — trying to Hit 'em long and straight!
Perhaps the one major complaint that I have about professional golf today is the highly temperamental nature of the players. The slightest problems with conditions on the course and the complaining begins. This year's U.S. Open at Pebble Beach was awful — complaints ad nauseam that the greens were too fast or the pin placements were unreasonable.
Now, take the Open Championship at St. Andrews as a case in point. Suspension of play because of high winds?! What is that all about? There are supposed to be high winds? Why else did the Scots do so much to invent roll-up shots, for Pete's sake?! I was watching the play and my son asked what was going on. I said that play had been suspended because of high winds. His response was classic: "Isn't that what the British Open is supposed to be?" Absolutely right!
Interestingly, Tiger Woods had just begun play when the suspension was called. Interesting. NO! I am not saying that play was suspended because Tiger Woods — golf's preeminent prima donna — never does well in such classic Open conditions. I'm just saying that it's interesting.
Okay, I'm really mad about this. Mad as hell! This is the sort of thing that makes the Open Championship what it is. This is the very snap of good luck needed to show that St. Andrews is still a viable course in the Open rotation. The course has come under fire of late by many critics. It's too short. It's not challenging enough. Take it out of the rotation except for ceremonious events and such. And, now, when the Old Girl has a chance to beat the crap out of the world's best and reestablish herself as the challenging course that all should consider her to be — especially when there are intense weather conditions...PLAY SUSPENDED BECAUSE OF HIGH WINDS!
I say let 'em play. Sure, they'll squeal like pigs about conditions being unfair with Tiger being the lead singer and making up the entire soprano section. Let 'em squeal! Again, isn't that what the British Open is supposed to be?!
I'll be back on more from the Open Championship and, hopefully very soon, they'll be allowed to be out on the course very soon — wind and all — trying to Hit 'em long and straight!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
THANK GOODNESS LEBRON JAMES ISN'T ON TOUR!
By Doug McAllister
I have watched reluctantly over the past several days how things have played out in the NBA as several free agent players have strutted their stuff, seeking to turn the balance of power in the league. Chief among the nitwits was LeBron James, seemingly this week's "God's Gift to Sports!"
As I stayed in touch with the nonsense, one thought arose preeminently in my mind: "THANK GOODNESS LEBRON JAMES ISN'T ON THE PGA TOUR!!" Think of it. What if golfers jockeyed for position every time they were trying to determine which sponsor they would go with this season. And — with the possible exception of Eldrick Woods — there hasn't been this sort of nonsense in golf — EVER!
Sure, Woods had his "Press Conference." Sure, he supposedly attempted to do to golf what James has shamelessly done to basketball. But, in the end, golf just wouldn't allow it. Everyone yawned at the nonsense of Woods' attempted PR coup and went on their way.
It all made me proud and grateful that golf is the sport that it is. Sure, our sport has its share of ego and egotists. But the very nice thing about golf is that, just when someone is getting too big for his britches, golf has a way of slamming them down to the terra firma faster than you can say double bogey!
Some might call this aspect of golf tedious or boring or even frightening. Why not be able to manipulate things in the press and in the arena? Why not have a scenario where officials are reluctant (if not directed) to call fouls on the leagues "major product" — as commissioner David Stern once referred to Michael Jordan. Hell, in golf the competitors call "fouls" on themselves!
With LeBron James' shenanigans, the NBA, more and more, seems similar to the World Wrestling Federation, steeped all of the sham of being entertainment first and sport second!
I won't go as far as to use the language that the Cleveland Cavaliers' owner did when venting about his lost "asset." Rather, isn't it refreshing to be affiliated with a sport that has featured and continues to feature the likes of Old Tom Morris, Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Phil Mickelson and David Duval, just to name a very few? Yes, the Eldrick's and the Pat Perez's and the Steve Williams's add unneeded flare from time to time. They will come and they will go. Sometimes they will climb to golf's loftiest levels. But, rest assured, golf has had and will continue to have the ability to rid itself of unsightly scars and present itself as good as new to the next generation of aficionados.
Be grateful for that and...HELAS!
I have watched reluctantly over the past several days how things have played out in the NBA as several free agent players have strutted their stuff, seeking to turn the balance of power in the league. Chief among the nitwits was LeBron James, seemingly this week's "God's Gift to Sports!"
As I stayed in touch with the nonsense, one thought arose preeminently in my mind: "THANK GOODNESS LEBRON JAMES ISN'T ON THE PGA TOUR!!" Think of it. What if golfers jockeyed for position every time they were trying to determine which sponsor they would go with this season. And — with the possible exception of Eldrick Woods — there hasn't been this sort of nonsense in golf — EVER!
Sure, Woods had his "Press Conference." Sure, he supposedly attempted to do to golf what James has shamelessly done to basketball. But, in the end, golf just wouldn't allow it. Everyone yawned at the nonsense of Woods' attempted PR coup and went on their way.
It all made me proud and grateful that golf is the sport that it is. Sure, our sport has its share of ego and egotists. But the very nice thing about golf is that, just when someone is getting too big for his britches, golf has a way of slamming them down to the terra firma faster than you can say double bogey!
Some might call this aspect of golf tedious or boring or even frightening. Why not be able to manipulate things in the press and in the arena? Why not have a scenario where officials are reluctant (if not directed) to call fouls on the leagues "major product" — as commissioner David Stern once referred to Michael Jordan. Hell, in golf the competitors call "fouls" on themselves!
With LeBron James' shenanigans, the NBA, more and more, seems similar to the World Wrestling Federation, steeped all of the sham of being entertainment first and sport second!
I won't go as far as to use the language that the Cleveland Cavaliers' owner did when venting about his lost "asset." Rather, isn't it refreshing to be affiliated with a sport that has featured and continues to feature the likes of Old Tom Morris, Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Phil Mickelson and David Duval, just to name a very few? Yes, the Eldrick's and the Pat Perez's and the Steve Williams's add unneeded flare from time to time. They will come and they will go. Sometimes they will climb to golf's loftiest levels. But, rest assured, golf has had and will continue to have the ability to rid itself of unsightly scars and present itself as good as new to the next generation of aficionados.
Be grateful for that and...HELAS!
Friday, July 9, 2010
GOLF COURSE REVIEW: THE RANCHES at Eagle Mountain, UT - GRAZE COWS, DON'T GOLF!
By Doug McAllister
THE RANCHES was a sweet course. I began playing there shortly after it first opened. A challenging track cut into the prairie grass and sagebrush, the course was as true a desert links as I have ever seen. Really spectacular! Topping The Ranches off were great golf professionals and clubhouse staff, making the place nearly perfect.
And then things changed. As is often the case with golf courses, the temptation to sacrifice sport for real estate became too much. Cul-de-sacs compromised tees and practice facilities. A magnificent front 9 finishing hole became a backward driving range and was replaced with an uphill par 4 that is so steep that one half expects oxygen masks to fall out of the sky when reaching the green! A preposterous hole!
The ambiance of the clubhouse was next to suffer. New management and new ownership meant the end of the excellent people part of the experience at The Ranches. Don't get me wrong. The new folks try their best to make the experience worthwhile but, in my opinion, fall short. Just the way it is!
I played the course today...
These day there just seems to be...I don't know...a "we-don't-care anymore" attitude about The Ranches experience. Things that may seem small are problems to me — like no cups at the water stops, no water in the ball washers, grounds crew that goes about their work during play and doesn't seem to give a rip whether your hitting or putting and how their actions may affect things. And on and on. And, no, I'm not talking about having a Country Club atmosphere at a respectable muni.
I predict that golf at The Ranches will soon be a thing of the past. As more and more players — like me — have their fill of changes at the course, golf revenue will suffer and then management is sure to start selling things off. Soon there will only be nine holes and then none. Before that happens, I suggest turning the place back over to cattle for grazing!
So, until next time — hit 'em long and straight! Just somewhere other than THE RANCHES.
THE RANCHES was a sweet course. I began playing there shortly after it first opened. A challenging track cut into the prairie grass and sagebrush, the course was as true a desert links as I have ever seen. Really spectacular! Topping The Ranches off were great golf professionals and clubhouse staff, making the place nearly perfect.
And then things changed. As is often the case with golf courses, the temptation to sacrifice sport for real estate became too much. Cul-de-sacs compromised tees and practice facilities. A magnificent front 9 finishing hole became a backward driving range and was replaced with an uphill par 4 that is so steep that one half expects oxygen masks to fall out of the sky when reaching the green! A preposterous hole!
The ambiance of the clubhouse was next to suffer. New management and new ownership meant the end of the excellent people part of the experience at The Ranches. Don't get me wrong. The new folks try their best to make the experience worthwhile but, in my opinion, fall short. Just the way it is!
I played the course today...
These day there just seems to be...I don't know...a "we-don't-care anymore" attitude about The Ranches experience. Things that may seem small are problems to me — like no cups at the water stops, no water in the ball washers, grounds crew that goes about their work during play and doesn't seem to give a rip whether your hitting or putting and how their actions may affect things. And on and on. And, no, I'm not talking about having a Country Club atmosphere at a respectable muni.
I predict that golf at The Ranches will soon be a thing of the past. As more and more players — like me — have their fill of changes at the course, golf revenue will suffer and then management is sure to start selling things off. Soon there will only be nine holes and then none. Before that happens, I suggest turning the place back over to cattle for grazing!
So, until next time — hit 'em long and straight! Just somewhere other than THE RANCHES.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
YOUR PUTTING GIMMICK-O-METER SHOULD BE GOING CRAZY!
By Doug McAllister
Marketers are all about gimmicks. Their job is to find a bigger fool and get them to buy a whole lotta whatever it is that they're sellin'. In this case the marketers work for Taylor Made Golf and what they're sellin' is an expensive new putter by Kia Ma.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against real quality. My problem is...well...let's just get to the point at hand.
The new Kia Ma Rossa Putters are an interesting combination of a high-tech, milled head with Rossa's trademark AGSI insert and movable weights. I'll give them the movable weights. Taylor Made has become famous in recent years for their movable weights. But it's the AGSI insert that caught my attention and got me thinking. The insert is what ultimately comes in contact with the ball, right? So why go to the exorbitant cost of a "100% Milled" putter head if the contact with the ball is an AGSI insert that is found in any of Rossa's less expensive models?
I had to check out the difference for myself. Accordingly, I went to my local golf retailer and compared, head-to-head, Rossa's Core Classics Daytona with the new Rossa TP Kia Ma Daytona with the AGSI insert. The comparison—at least where my experience is concerned—showed that...can I get a drum roll, please...THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE IN FEEL OR PERFORMANCE BETWEEN THE ROSSA CORE CLASSICS DAYTONA AND ITS FAR PRICIER KIA MA COUNTERPART. NONE!!!! What we have here, it seems, is the putting gimmick of gimmicks—an inexpensive, though effective, AGSI insert housed in an ultra-expensive milled putter head. Nothing more!
The good news is that, if you want the excellent feel and performance of Rossa's AGSI inserts, they can be had at a considerably lower price in any of the Rossa Core Classics Models. And, if you want the superior performance and precision of a totally milled putter look no further than Rossa's original TP Kia Ma putters!
Avoid putting the two together in Rossa's new Kia Ma offering. You're smarter than that anyway, right?
So go with the inexpensive Rossa and putt 'em long and straight (except, of course, if you've got a testy breaker that needs just a nudge!).
Marketers are all about gimmicks. Their job is to find a bigger fool and get them to buy a whole lotta whatever it is that they're sellin'. In this case the marketers work for Taylor Made Golf and what they're sellin' is an expensive new putter by Kia Ma.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against real quality. My problem is...well...let's just get to the point at hand.
The new Kia Ma Rossa Putters are an interesting combination of a high-tech, milled head with Rossa's trademark AGSI insert and movable weights. I'll give them the movable weights. Taylor Made has become famous in recent years for their movable weights. But it's the AGSI insert that caught my attention and got me thinking. The insert is what ultimately comes in contact with the ball, right? So why go to the exorbitant cost of a "100% Milled" putter head if the contact with the ball is an AGSI insert that is found in any of Rossa's less expensive models?
I had to check out the difference for myself. Accordingly, I went to my local golf retailer and compared, head-to-head, Rossa's Core Classics Daytona with the new Rossa TP Kia Ma Daytona with the AGSI insert. The comparison—at least where my experience is concerned—showed that...can I get a drum roll, please...THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE IN FEEL OR PERFORMANCE BETWEEN THE ROSSA CORE CLASSICS DAYTONA AND ITS FAR PRICIER KIA MA COUNTERPART. NONE!!!! What we have here, it seems, is the putting gimmick of gimmicks—an inexpensive, though effective, AGSI insert housed in an ultra-expensive milled putter head. Nothing more!
The good news is that, if you want the excellent feel and performance of Rossa's AGSI inserts, they can be had at a considerably lower price in any of the Rossa Core Classics Models. And, if you want the superior performance and precision of a totally milled putter look no further than Rossa's original TP Kia Ma putters!
Avoid putting the two together in Rossa's new Kia Ma offering. You're smarter than that anyway, right?
So go with the inexpensive Rossa and putt 'em long and straight (except, of course, if you've got a testy breaker that needs just a nudge!).
Saturday, June 26, 2010
MY FOREST DALE NIGHTMARE! GOLF ETIQUETTE BY GOLFING PROFESSIONALS
By Doug McAllister
So, have you been boning up on what golf etiquette is and how you can be an even greater good practitioner of it? Reading from THE RULES OF GOLF? Becoming more determined to be part of the solution and not a continuing part of the problem?
Great! Because today we need to address what might be an even bigger part of the problem: GOLF PROFESSIONALS in the form of Course Managers, Starters and Marshals who need, themselves, to step forward and be greater practitioners of good golf etiquette.
MORE IS MORE, RIGHT?
Ever teed off at your favorite course, right on time and giving the group in front of you an appropriate amount of space before letting the pill pop — only to find that, within minutes, the group following you is breathing right down your neck? In my experience, it's happening more and more and more as golf courses try to pack foursomes and threesomes and singles onto the course in numbers more befitting sardine cans than golf courses.
It's true! Many of the problems with golf etiquette are being started and exacerbated by irresponsible course managers and employees, trying to squeeze as much revenue as possible from crowded courses. Let me share with you the most irresponsible case of this that I have ever experienced.
A NIGHTMARE AT THE 'DALE'
Forest Dale Golf Course is a treasure. The oldest golf course in Utah, it sports a wonderful nine-hole track that is both quaint and challenging. I have consistently made it a point to play the Dale in order to savor a true piece of Utah Golf History. That is before my last round turned into a laughable nightmare.
Last November my foursome decided to play Forest Dale. We called the course in the early afternoon in order to see whether a tee time was available. PLEASE NOTE THAT. We didn't just show up at the course and ask to be worked into the rotation. We called and asked whether a scheduled tee time was available.
Now, I don't know about you, but scheduling a tee time means buying and reserving a playable piece of real estate — a reasonable block of time — on the course for a given day. It means that you are allowed to play reasonably over the course of — in the case of Forest Dale — nine holes. Two and a half hours, at the most, if good golf etiquette is followed by the players AND the course managers. Seem rational? I thought so. What ensued was the most bizarre and laughable episode of golfing experience that I have ever had.
We were given a tee time, placed on the schedule and arrived about twenty minutes early and checked in at the clubhouse. The first red flag that I should have recognized was that there were no motorized carts available. NOT ONE! I brushed that one aside and ran right smack into the next warning signal: a practice green stuffed with more golfers than I could imagine the place could hold. There were, literally, five players putting to each practice hole. That's right! At least fifty people (yep...5-0 people!) milling wildly on the practice green. By this time I was sufficiently benumbed that I stopped looking for dangers signs, otherwise I would have noted that there were three groups of golfers waiting on the first tee!
AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMIN'!
You are smarter than me. Had you seen what I had, you would have packed things up, gotten a refund and headed for the parking lot. Right? But, as noted, you are smarter than me. I shrugged it off, rationalizing that things would surely open up once we got out on the course. Wrong!
To make a long story short, after three hours on the course we had completed — are you ready for this? — we had completed just four holes. FOUR HOLES!! Less than half of the round completed in 30 minutes longer than it should have taken us to play the entire track!!
My mind tried to rationalize what was going on. I thought back. On the second hole, a par 5, I had counted six groups — two waiting to tee off, one teeing off, two in the fairway and one on the green putting. Six groups!! There must have been, I thought, a huge slow play logjam somewhere ahead. I finally couldn't take it any longer. I called the pro shop on my cell phone and reported the situation. The person to whom I spoke assured me that he would get right to bottom of things.
Nothing improved. As we waited behind the plethora of players waiting to play and playing the fifth hole, I made my second call. AND HERE COMES THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR — THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS ABYSMAL STORY. "Well, we sent a member of the staff out on a cart to check things out," the pro calmly assured me, "and there doesn't seem to be any group out of order."
Okay, did you catch that? The pro was telling me that there were no open holes ahead of me on the course! As if he were describing business as usual, he was telling me that, GIVEN THE NUMBER OF GROUPS ON THE COURSE, PLAY WAS PROCEEDING AS IT SHOULD!! Holy crap! He was saying that he was aware of the etiquette crime being committed on the course at that very moment and that HE WAS THE MAIN PERPETRATOR! In other words, he had scheduled, probably, twice as many tee times as the course could — in accordance with good golf etiquette — appropriately support! And when we, abandoning the travesty of which we had been reluctantly a part, asked for at least a rain check (why I would ever want to play there again is the greatest of mysteries!) he, at first, refused.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
You can see the problem. What is to be done when the keepers of the game and its rules and its etiquette become, themselves, the major problems? What do I think should be done? Simple:
1. Golf courses need get back to being the keepers of etiquette. They need to start groups at time intervals that allow for appropriate play, under the rules of the game and in keeping with good golf etiquette. Leaving players to police themselves off the first tee is a recipe for disaster.
2. The courses need, also, to step up and police play on their greens and fairways. In all of my years of play I have only played one course — the incomparable East Course at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs — that had the gumption to put offending players in their place. They warned slow players to move on and, if offenses kept on coming, players were required to pick up and move on to the open hole or be expelled from play! I am sure that there are many other courses out there that follow these procedures. The East Course is the only one that I have actually witnessed.
3. NOW I HATE THIS ONE AS A PLAYER WHO ENJOYS AN INEXPENSIVE ROUND OF GOLF, but — If it becomes a matter of cramming courses full of groups or raising greens fees to bridge the gap, chose the latter. I know I would far rather pay a few more kopecks than put up with a disaster again, the likes that I experienced at Forest Dale.
It's high time that Golf Courses, their managers, keepers and staffers become a part of the golf etiquette solution. Since my disastrous day at Forest Dale, I have wondered how a PGA-approved golf professional could sit in his clubhouse, load up the course with as many golfers as he did and keep his PGA card?
While you're mulling that one over...remember...Hit 'em Long & Straight!
So, have you been boning up on what golf etiquette is and how you can be an even greater good practitioner of it? Reading from THE RULES OF GOLF? Becoming more determined to be part of the solution and not a continuing part of the problem?
Great! Because today we need to address what might be an even bigger part of the problem: GOLF PROFESSIONALS in the form of Course Managers, Starters and Marshals who need, themselves, to step forward and be greater practitioners of good golf etiquette.
MORE IS MORE, RIGHT?
Ever teed off at your favorite course, right on time and giving the group in front of you an appropriate amount of space before letting the pill pop — only to find that, within minutes, the group following you is breathing right down your neck? In my experience, it's happening more and more and more as golf courses try to pack foursomes and threesomes and singles onto the course in numbers more befitting sardine cans than golf courses.
It's true! Many of the problems with golf etiquette are being started and exacerbated by irresponsible course managers and employees, trying to squeeze as much revenue as possible from crowded courses. Let me share with you the most irresponsible case of this that I have ever experienced.
A NIGHTMARE AT THE 'DALE'
Forest Dale Golf Course is a treasure. The oldest golf course in Utah, it sports a wonderful nine-hole track that is both quaint and challenging. I have consistently made it a point to play the Dale in order to savor a true piece of Utah Golf History. That is before my last round turned into a laughable nightmare.
Last November my foursome decided to play Forest Dale. We called the course in the early afternoon in order to see whether a tee time was available. PLEASE NOTE THAT. We didn't just show up at the course and ask to be worked into the rotation. We called and asked whether a scheduled tee time was available.
Now, I don't know about you, but scheduling a tee time means buying and reserving a playable piece of real estate — a reasonable block of time — on the course for a given day. It means that you are allowed to play reasonably over the course of — in the case of Forest Dale — nine holes. Two and a half hours, at the most, if good golf etiquette is followed by the players AND the course managers. Seem rational? I thought so. What ensued was the most bizarre and laughable episode of golfing experience that I have ever had.
We were given a tee time, placed on the schedule and arrived about twenty minutes early and checked in at the clubhouse. The first red flag that I should have recognized was that there were no motorized carts available. NOT ONE! I brushed that one aside and ran right smack into the next warning signal: a practice green stuffed with more golfers than I could imagine the place could hold. There were, literally, five players putting to each practice hole. That's right! At least fifty people (yep...5-0 people!) milling wildly on the practice green. By this time I was sufficiently benumbed that I stopped looking for dangers signs, otherwise I would have noted that there were three groups of golfers waiting on the first tee!
AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMIN'!
You are smarter than me. Had you seen what I had, you would have packed things up, gotten a refund and headed for the parking lot. Right? But, as noted, you are smarter than me. I shrugged it off, rationalizing that things would surely open up once we got out on the course. Wrong!
To make a long story short, after three hours on the course we had completed — are you ready for this? — we had completed just four holes. FOUR HOLES!! Less than half of the round completed in 30 minutes longer than it should have taken us to play the entire track!!
My mind tried to rationalize what was going on. I thought back. On the second hole, a par 5, I had counted six groups — two waiting to tee off, one teeing off, two in the fairway and one on the green putting. Six groups!! There must have been, I thought, a huge slow play logjam somewhere ahead. I finally couldn't take it any longer. I called the pro shop on my cell phone and reported the situation. The person to whom I spoke assured me that he would get right to bottom of things.
Nothing improved. As we waited behind the plethora of players waiting to play and playing the fifth hole, I made my second call. AND HERE COMES THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR — THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS ABYSMAL STORY. "Well, we sent a member of the staff out on a cart to check things out," the pro calmly assured me, "and there doesn't seem to be any group out of order."
Okay, did you catch that? The pro was telling me that there were no open holes ahead of me on the course! As if he were describing business as usual, he was telling me that, GIVEN THE NUMBER OF GROUPS ON THE COURSE, PLAY WAS PROCEEDING AS IT SHOULD!! Holy crap! He was saying that he was aware of the etiquette crime being committed on the course at that very moment and that HE WAS THE MAIN PERPETRATOR! In other words, he had scheduled, probably, twice as many tee times as the course could — in accordance with good golf etiquette — appropriately support! And when we, abandoning the travesty of which we had been reluctantly a part, asked for at least a rain check (why I would ever want to play there again is the greatest of mysteries!) he, at first, refused.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
You can see the problem. What is to be done when the keepers of the game and its rules and its etiquette become, themselves, the major problems? What do I think should be done? Simple:
1. Golf courses need get back to being the keepers of etiquette. They need to start groups at time intervals that allow for appropriate play, under the rules of the game and in keeping with good golf etiquette. Leaving players to police themselves off the first tee is a recipe for disaster.
2. The courses need, also, to step up and police play on their greens and fairways. In all of my years of play I have only played one course — the incomparable East Course at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs — that had the gumption to put offending players in their place. They warned slow players to move on and, if offenses kept on coming, players were required to pick up and move on to the open hole or be expelled from play! I am sure that there are many other courses out there that follow these procedures. The East Course is the only one that I have actually witnessed.
3. NOW I HATE THIS ONE AS A PLAYER WHO ENJOYS AN INEXPENSIVE ROUND OF GOLF, but — If it becomes a matter of cramming courses full of groups or raising greens fees to bridge the gap, chose the latter. I know I would far rather pay a few more kopecks than put up with a disaster again, the likes that I experienced at Forest Dale.
It's high time that Golf Courses, their managers, keepers and staffers become a part of the golf etiquette solution. Since my disastrous day at Forest Dale, I have wondered how a PGA-approved golf professional could sit in his clubhouse, load up the course with as many golfers as he did and keep his PGA card?
While you're mulling that one over...remember...Hit 'em Long & Straight!
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