JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO...HERE WE GO AGAIN!!

by Doug McAllister

Well, it's the new year and, with its beginning, its time to get going right where it seems we left off. What am I talking about? Seems Camilo Villegas broke a rule while playing yesterday in the Hyundai Tournament of Champions in Hawaii. As a result of the domino effect that ensued, he was DQ'd from the event.

Wow! Must have been something terrible! What'd he do? Punch someone in the gallery? Let all the air out of the cars in the course parking lot? What did he do? Okay...we don't even need to talk about that. Really! We don't!

So what's the problem? Also seems that some television viewer saw the violation — something that all the on-site rules officials missed — and called in and ratted on Villegas! Now, if you've read my stuff before, you know that this makes my blood boil more than taking a snowman on a par 3!


WHERE IS THIS CONTACT INFORMATION?!

Okay, I've heard the first part of this too many times. A television viewer "calls" or "contacts" the USGA or the PGA or the Golf Channel or Golf Snitches Anonymous. Where on earth do you find these phone numbers, email addresses or fax numbers? Where are they listed? It drives me nuts! Even if I wanted to play the stool pigeon — which I don't! — I don't know the numbers!

Which begs the question: why is this information available at all, especially during the course of an event? Heck, I can't even change my Fantasy Golf Foursome after tee off time. Why should there be anyone manning a phone or a fax or a computer during an event with the sole purpose seemingly being waiting for some 25-handicap golf vigilante who couldn't hit a straight putt in a rain gutter to blow the whistle?


AREN'T THE RULES IMPORTANT?

Of course they are! But there is also the human element that has to be taken into consideration and honored just as stridently as the rules of the game! There are officials all over the course at each event and it's their job to monitor things and cite those who break the rules. But do they miss violations here and there? Darn straight!

So now, with the added technological possibilities out there, we have thousands of officials sitting comfortably in their Lazy Boy's and watching for the violation that will get past the paid judges.


ISN'T THAT A GOOD THING?

Hell no! The game is played on the course and not inside a TV camera. Ergo, what happens on the course needs to be called on the course — when and where it happens! And what if a rules violation isn't caught? SO BE IT! Once the day of golf is completed the books on that round should be closed, hermetically sealed and dried hard like last week's cement! This nonsense of officials waiting at the 18th green the next day to deliver the bad news has got to stop!


RESOLUTION

It's simple. To the governing bodies of the game at sanctioned events: once the tournament commences do us all the decency of turning off every communications device you own. Turn off your cell phones (and get new numbers, while your at it, so viewers won't be able to call you), shut down your computers. And for Pete's sake, get off Facebook and Twitter! (Everyone knows that real golfers are NOT actively involved in social networking! It causes slicing and hooking!) Make it a New Year's resolution to accept that golf is a game played by fallible human beings and officiated by the same! Yeah, do your darnedest to see that the rules are upheld but, when they're not, don't have kittens over it!

Determine now that what happens on the course will be handled on the course and — regardless of how well-meaning they may seem — resolve to NOT take any tips, phone calls, Facebook posts or tweets from anybody! Not even from your sainted mothers!


Golf doesn't need an instant replay. NO INSTANT REPLAY! Remember? It's supposed to be the game where the players call penalties on themselves. Not the game that allows faceless, nameless, brainless fools to do it for them!

What golf needs is for more of the armchair rules officials to get off their butts and get out their and try to...

Hit 'Em Long and Straight!