By Doug McAllister
Yep. That's my golf bag. Right there. Seven headcovers, if you please. Seven! And Darned proud of it! My driver is covered by a Grizzly Bear. That's an American Bison on my 3-wood. A Coyote on my 5-wood. A Hedgehog, a Moose and a Mouse cover each of my three hybrids. And a Bear Cub, right there in front, covers my putter. So, what's so unusual about using headcovers — even seven of them in one bag? Come on! What's the big deal!
I ask because of the reactions that I have gotten of late at various golf courses where I've gone to play. When I played Teton Pines in Jackson Hole, the excellent Arnold Palmer designed track in west-central Wyoming, my playing partner and brother-in-law, Rich Herlin, joined in with the course staffer assigned to load up our clubs, in openly making fun of my furry entourage. "Are there golf clubs somewhere under all that?" the staffer laughingly asked.
Then there was the latest outing at Tuhaye, Mark O'Meara's superb course near Kamas, Utah. Same playing partner, this time joined by Rich's son and my brother, Bruce McAllister. Once again a course bag man looked askance at my bag and everyone laughed but me. Why should I laugh? I bought 'em, didn't I?
So! What's wrong with my plush playing partners? I have been very careful to stay within a theme. And never underestimate the importance of staying with a theme when it comes to headcovers! All prairie creatures. No dragons. No killer whales or giraffes added.
Okay. The one possible holdout is the hedgehog. But in Finland hedgehogs abound in the prairies there so I figured it wasn't too much of a stretch. Why Finland? Well...because I once lived there and was enchanted by the little creatures. Also, it stands solidly to reason that, had the Queen of Hearts of Alice in Wonderland fame played golf instead of croquet, no doubt her ball of choice would have likely been a hedgehog — wearing a Titleist logo, of course.
I also find my choice of covers better than the brand named covers so prevalent out there. I get bored with bags sporting Taylor Made or Titleist or Ping headcovers. What's the real purpose, after all, with those? Quite simply, it's all too transparent an application of the Emperors New Clothes to golf. Those with branded covers are screaming, "Look! Look at me! My clubs are more expensive (or newer or more prestigious or whatever) than yours!"
Right, right! You disagree! So be it! Oh. You...that just tuned in, you agree with me? Didn't mean you! But thanks!
But back to my experiences on the course, and this one's the weirdest encounter of all.
At Cedar Hills Golf Course, just across the way from my Fox Hollow home, I ran into an interesting threesome. Two men and a woman. I was there with another brother-in-law, Jeff Bennion. As a twosome we were, naturally, outplaying the threesome. They graciously allowed us to play through. As we passed where they had parked their carts, on the way to the tee that they had vacated, the woman in the group began to giggle uncomfortably. Never mind that she seemed to be a bit tipsy. She held a beer and there were several empties in the basket of her cart. "What's with so many stuffed headcovers?" she asked. I explained that I just liked them and that they reflected my love of the outdoors. Laughing much harder now, she slurred, "Rrrrighttt! No S--t! Sure it isn't something...else?" I was totally confused. She then went on to drunkenly explain that she was sure that the playful plushes were a reflection of some bizarre and intimate fetish that plagued me (not her words, mind you! but I'll spare you her exact phraseology). "Shhurrre that's not it?" She gigglingly asked, adding a wink for good measure.
Holy cow! Now it was my turn to feel like the defrocked emperor in Hans Christian Andersen's tale! And on a golf course, to boot! I just sat there and stared at her. I just shook my head. And, as we drove up to the tee, she could be heard to laugh uncontrollably.
So there it is. I am sure that my troubles arising from my golf bag decorations are not over.
You be the judge. You have the picture here. You got problems with my furry friends? I'll send you a quarter to call someone who cares! If I had the number of the inebriate already described, I'd include it here.
This much is certain. A bear, bison, coyote, hedgehog, moose, mouse and bear cub — all excellently created by the folks at Daphne's Headcovers (had to get that in for my marketing good turn of the post!) have only helped me...
Hit 'em long and straight! Okay! At least some of the time!
I've got to hear this story in person. :)
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